So I have decided that it is really hard to be a Christian. Day after day I feel like I fail. I feel as if I am sliding down this slope toward utter abandon. And then Something reaches down out of the miry depths and picks be back up again. He picks me up, brushes me off, and breathes new hope into my soul. He gently reminds me of the reason for life.
I wonder sometimes why life is so hard. I wonder why I struggle to keep on top of things at school. I wonder why I seem to loose connections with the ones I love the most. I wonder why I struggle to keep my integrity in tact... and then... when I feel as though I cannot try any longer, a gentle tug at my heart tells me to reach. Reach toward Him- the one who sustains, comforts, controls, loves. Reach toward Him and He will entange your heart with His love. As I read through old diary entries, I see myself in a cycle, like the children of Israel. I struggle in sin, I look to anywhere else but to Him, I cry out to Him, He saves me, I praise Him for a time, and then fall right back into my old habits again. Each cycle gets worse and worse. The sin gets more entrapping, the desire to seek to fulfill my need in anything but God gets all the more desirable, but His presence is all the more astounding. When times are the toughest, the Lord is the strongest.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
