Change

I can't believe I am blogging on two consecutive days! It must be a record for me. I just wanted to put one thought out there. As I make the transition from Paris to Grand Rapids, Michigan, I'm constantly thinking, how can I keep this fire for life alive? It seems to me that I crave change and transition. Any time I experience a big change of scenery in my life, I whole-heartedly embrace it. I think the big changes started when I transferred high schools from Grand Rapids Baptist High School (now Northpointe) to Northview High School. I relished the changes. I loved the new scenery, new friends, new classes, new teachers, and a new tennis team. I loved that I could re-make myself. And then I hit college and I was so excited to change again. High school was getting boring. I moved to Chicago and nestled right in to city life. I loved Chicago with the hustle and bustle, I loved the dorm life with something new happening every week. I loved the classes, finally going deeper in my faith.

I then craved to get out of freshman year and be a camp counselor for the summer. Although I was super excited to be "roughing it" for a whole summer, it didn't take long for me to HATE it. It wasn't the change that I didn't like, it was the atmosphere, the heavy dark overcoat that the devil put over me. Some relationships were too hard to handle, and there were many theological questions I had in regards to the camp. So I started craving change again. I didn't try to just deal, I wanted to bail.

This time, it was a huge change. I would be moving to Belfast, Northern Ireland for a semester abroad! I was so excited and made the most of my time in "Norn Iron" where the green leprechauns roam and the say "cheers!" and "dodgy". I even spent some time traveling other places such as Bristol, England, and Barcelona, Spain. But yet again, I started craving change. Once it started getting hard, I was ready to bail. When I felt lonely or lost, I just dreamed of coming home. When the accent was too hard to understand or when I just wanted to hear someone pronounce the sound "ou" the RIGHT way, I would just think, "ok, only x-days left until I come home!".

And of course, scenery changed yet again. I went home for Christmas, and then started another semester at Moody in Chicago. At the risk of making this post way too long, I won't type out all of the changes in my life up until now, but as you can see, there is a pattern. I would crave change, get the change, relish the change, get bored, crave change again...etc. And now I sit here in my room on the outskirts of Paris, France after a 6-week internship at the tail end of my 4-years of college. I have gone from High School to college, to camp, to Ireland, back to Chicago, to a double room, to a single room, to a Jenkins apartment, to a single room, to a double room, to graduation, to choir tour of UK, to 6-weeks in Paris, to NOW. Ive gone from wanting to be a missionary in Sudan, to being a social worker in Uganda, to being a midwife in the Philippines, to being a nurse in Sudan, to being a librarian in Thailand, to being a church planter in Europe, to being an English teacher in Korea, to being a missionary in Paris, to being a refugee placement worker in Grand Rapids.

I change hairstyles, hair colors, hand writing, room arrangement, geography, friends, crushes, political ideologies, career goals. And now I crave change yet again. After thinking about my predicament, I need to be still. I need to stop thinking about my life. I need to stop thinking I need to change, re-make myself, re-direct myself, better myself. I need to be still and know that He is GOD.

The two constants in my life have been God and Family. I think I must go seek God and relish family for this time.

I leave Paris in two days and I AM relishing this change, but I hope that I can look back and see how God has directed me, molded me, not of my own doing or my own restlessness, but by HIS sovereignty to direct my paths. I now seek for ultimate and continued fulfillment in my Creator and for ultimate contentment wherever he places me.